Creative Strain

Narrowing down my creativity to one specific niche proved challenging for me. I couldn't do it.  Then I did. I picked jewelry. But something strange happened. 

The more I tried to focus on jewelry and make it my side hustle, the more I started resenting it. Jewelry became my personality. I had to tell everyone I made jewelry, yet, I wasn't confident enough to call myself a Jewelry Designer. My hobby started to hold me hostile. 

My thoughts shifted as I became obsessed with selling. Will people like this piece? Will they buy it? I need at least 10 sales this week. That's doable, right? Maybe I should sell jewelry courses too. That will definitely put me on the path to generational wealth. Yes, full steam ahead! I built lifestyles around my impending success. A house for my parents, funds for my sister's college education, and for me, a modern apartment with lots of personality overlooking the Hudson River. 

I set my hopes high. Who wouldn't? People even validated my goals when I shared it with them. It was meant to be. I felt it. Sales were few and in between. Well, if I try harder it will work. Get your head in the game, I told myself. Sales went up a bit. YES! Progress. Then sales hit a stop, then slowed drastically after my friends and acquaintances made purchases. The silence from my jewelry email was deafening. Just stay positive, I told myself. 

But, my disappointment started compounding and quickly snowballed. I created jewelry in desperation. Failure to succeed was my own fault. According to my business advisor, I need to interact with 10 people a day. Spreadsheets with possible contacts were created. I couldn't do it. That's why I failed right? I couldn't keep up with the demand of my expectations. 

Late nights in a small room I shared with my sister filled with frustration and lack of creativity. Midnight. 1am. 2am. Argh, my full-time job starts in a few hours. I should sleep. But, I couldn't. Too much was riding on the back of my creativity. Maybe I don't want it bad enough. Demands at work increased. If only I could get this jewelry business to work! I told too many people my dreams, I had accountability partners, I had a business coach. There is no way I can fail. 

But, I did. I came to resent the thing I did for fun.


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